Benedict Cumberbatch Reveals Secret Robert Downey Jr Obsession, Announces Engagement

Satire

Fangirls from all around the movie and television industry were devastated today as Benedict Cumberbatch announced, in the most classy way possible via newspaper, that he was engaged. Even more stunning than the announcement is to whom the British actor has asked to formally be his life partner.
robert-downey-jr-benedict-cumberbatchAfter harboring a secret man-crush on rival Sherlock Holmes star, Robert Downey Jr., for years, Cumberbatch went to visit the Downey family under the guise of congratulating them on their newest addition. In reality it was reportedly to gawk at the fine specimen of a man RDJ is, in person, and perhaps even sweep the man off of his feet with his English wit and charm so they could run off to a deserted studio and make glorious TV and movie mash-ups until the end of time. Instead, Cumberbatch was the one to come away wholly smitten with a member of the Downey family, and it was not his secret true love, Robert Downey Jr.

Unbeknownst to him, Cumberbatch found out during the visit that he is a Quileute shape-shifter by simply laying eyes on RDJ’s newborn child, Avri Roel Downey. He then became “imprinted”, which is “the involuntary mechanism by which Quileute shape-shifters find their soul-mates”. According to experts, it is a profound and intimate phenomena that is only experienced by this race of shape-shifters and Twilight star Taylor Lautner.

While both Susan and Robert were taken aback by the developments, they decided Cumberbatch was an acceptable suitor for their first daughter and that a natural courting process would need to take place when she was deemed old enough, which is reportedly 30 according to RDJ. Cumberbatch happily surprised and quietly devastated that his RDJ dreams were gone, agreed to the terms and has said he will fill the time he has to wait with a multitude of roles in both TV and movies to keep him occupied while he waits for his one true love (and mourns for his lost hope).

At the time of this writing, it has not been confirmed if Cumberbatch has removed the two dozen RDJ posters strewn about his London home or not.

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The above article is satire and should not be taken as factual.

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