Tech Leak: Microsoft To Announce Kats Arse

Satire

Whether because of allergies, living in rented accommodation, or just not having had chance, it’s certain that not everyone has experienced the advantages and subtle tactical and strategic shifts that are provided by gaming with a cat’s arse in your face.
A leaked email from a source known only to us as “Major Nibbles” suggests that Microsoft are preparing to announce the next step in ensuring that all gamers have the chance to experience the epitome of gaming technology. Kats-Arse (possibly a working title) will run in the background of any software played on Xbox One and present the player with their chosen game, optimised by the overlay of a large, insistent cat’s derrière in the middle of the playing field. Users with access to Kinect will even notice that head tracking allows the cat’s arse to follow their movements and react to their posture in a realistic manner.
There’s no word yet as to whether the app will also support popular user tweaks of real cats’ arses; cat’s face at close range, sleeping cat under the chin and inconveniently timed claws in the thigh.
Do you game using a cat’s arse in your field of view? How do you find it changes your experience? Have you noticed any detrimental side effects? Share your experiences and thoughts!

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