Dear Marvel and Oreo,
You wonderful and beautiful snowflakes, you. Separately, you have achieved the un-thinkable. Powerhouses in your respective fields, you are the dreams your competitors can only ever aspire to be. Earning the love, trust, and admiration of millions, possibly even billions, across this planet, collecting more money than pretty much any human has ever seen, there are still stones unturned in your existence. And I’d like to talk to you about one of those glaring holes in your marketing strategy and goods supplied to customers.
Where are the Avengers Oreos? Why do they not exist? I’ve had Red Velvet Oreos. I’ve had Golden Oreos. I’ve eaten Birthday Cake Oreos and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Oreos. In various local stores I’ve seen Chocolate Oreos, Watermelon Oreos, Mint Oreos, Gingerbread Oreos, Peanut Butter Oreos, Candy Corn Oreos, and various holiday themed Oreos, among countless others. Double Stuf, Mega Stuf. Why did the Avengers not make the Oreo shortlist? Why couldn’t Oreo put each character onto the cookie and make the creme red for Iron Man, yellow for Thor (lightning, silly), blue for Captain America, green for Hulk, black and red for Black Widow, and come up with something creative for Hawkeye because does he have distinct colors? (I know, totally mean). Maybe he gets black and green? Maybe Ant-Man gets a mini-Oreo cookie and Doctor Strange gets a weird shape and Captain Marvel can be a red velvet cookie with a chocolate center and Black Panther gets chocolate cookie with chocolate creme. We could literally go on with every character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (and eventually the comics) and make them Oreo delicious.
You can’t tell me that these perfectly shaped spheres couldn’t be Captain America shields or Arc Reactors or little Hulk fists or Mjolnir shapes? The Marvel marketing team’s processor core must have been malfunctioning on that one because how are Avengers Oreos NOT a necessity in everyone’s lives? We need to make this happen. Milk’s favorite cookie needs a superhero. Not just any superhero, an Avenger.
Love you both bunches,