March Loot Crate Review: "Covert"

Gadgets & Toys / Reviews

To start this review, it may be important to note that this March Loot Crate will be my first, so if any of you looters (is that what it’s called? Craters? Hoarders? I don’t know) think I have my expectations set too high or too low when it comes to my final score, feel free to let me know. I’ve followed along with some YouTube reviewers, and tried to take a close look at recent boxes to get some context, but you never know. So with that said, let’s get started.
This month’s Crate has a “Covert” theme. Keeping up with Loot Crate’s geek cred, in the box you will find a lot of movie and TV show tie-ins, as well as some gaudy wrist accessories. Inside the month’s Loot Crate Magazine is an elaboration on this theme, which is essentially you acting as “Agent 1337”, where your covert status has been blown and the items contained within the crate are meant to help you get back to HQ.

If you’re reading this message, Agent 1337, your COVERT status has been compromised and we cannot send backup. However, we were able to get this Loot Crate to you before our contact line went dark. Enclosed you will find all the tools necessary to get back to HQ with not only your life, but with valuable intel intact, as well. The odds are against you, but with the correct tools and your sharpest wit, we should meet again in the near future. Good luck, and geek speed, 1337.

I wish I could come into my first Loot Crate experience really liking the things I received, but I can’t say that I did so much. As you’ll see in this review, there are a couple neat novelty items but for the most part it is things I won’t use, and don’t fit in any kind of a collection.

James Bond “This is stirred” T-Shirt (Loot Crate Exclusive)

First up is this month’s shirt. It’s a simple white shirt with a sad James Bond inside his iconic shutter symbol. Only instead of pointing his gun at the camera and shooting it, he’s sad because his martini is stirred and not shaken. It’s a little cheesy, and I doubt I’ll wear it in public, but I can’t deny that I like it.
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The Box (Loot Crate exclusive)

This month’s box is really cool. It’s set up like a laptop (the “Covert Computer Pro”) and gives you a URL that actually functions on a working computer and takes you to a login screen where you must use the scrambled keys on the top part of the box to decipher to discover the login name and password.

Blink Time Stealth Wrist Watch (Loot Crate exclusive)

Next up is another novelty, but kind of a neat one. It’s a rubber watch that appears to be a wristband, but when you press the face it digitalizes into the current time, then does the opposite after a few seconds. Similar watches seem to go for around $20 online, so assuming you planned on buying this oddly specific piece of armwear, it has already paid for this month’s crate alone. The watch is most useful when you are out in the field and don’t want your enemies to know you’re aware of the current time of day. Very sneaky stuff.

Spy Mad Libs ($3.99)

The first non-exclusive item, at least in my review order, is Spy Mad Libs. It’s standard Mad Libs, but now spy-ier. Try and make a coherent story or make every word a different profanity, the world is your _____ (noun).
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Buy Spy Mad Libs on Amazon

Paracord Survival Bracelet (Loot Crate exclusive)

It’s a paracord, it’s a bracelet, it’s a paracord bracelet! This one is kind of cool, but a one-trick pony. It’s a long paracod tied into a wearable bracelet that you can unwind into a long military-grade parachute cord. Mostly just a novelty, but it fits well with the theme of the crate as your supposedly a stranded secret Agent, and who couldn’t use some extra paracord now and again?

Orphan Black #1 ($1.99)

This has been a great week for Orphan Black fans who also happen to subscribe to Loot Crate. Not only was a new teaser and sneak peek released for the show’s third season, but the first issue of its brand new comic series run from IDW is included in this month’s crate. It’s 34 pages and features a Loot Crate exclusive cover. After reading through the book, it’s not great by any means, but if you’re dying for some more Orphan Black before next season kicks off, you may be a happy looter when you find it in your box.
Buy Orphan Black #1 on Comixology

Field Notes Pitch Black Edition x2 ($9.95 each)

As far as tiny little notebooks with graph paper is concerned, I’d imagine this is all you can ask for, but it’s not much more than that. Once again, it fits in well with the theme, but it’s actually something I could find myself using.
Buy Field Notes Pitch Black Edition on Amazon

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Lanyard (Loot Crate exclusive)

In terms of being a collectible, this is the coolest thing in this March Loot Crate as far as I’m concerned. It also helps being a big fan of the show, but this Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. lanyard is pretty neat. It’s a certified replica prop that was created using the same techniques as those used to create the badges on the ABC show itself. It also features an image of Patton Oswalt as Billy Koening. Can never have too many images of Patton Oswalt.

Ninjak #1 Digital Download ($3.99)

This 40-page first issue from Valiant comics is free-to-download for Loot Crate subscribers with a Comixology unlock code included. I won’t spoil anything in case you plan on reading the series (which features work from Matt Kindt, Clay Mann, and Butch Guice), but it’s not a bad first book. I’d put it well above Orphan Black #1 at the very least.
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Buy Ninjak #1 on Comixology

March Loot Crate “Covert” Pin (Loot Crate exclusive)

And finally, the pin. It features the art from the March issue of Loot Crate Magazine, and has an orange bezel. Enjoy.
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Interested in signing up for Loot Crate yourself? If so, head over to lootcrate.com and sign up. This crate was purchased independently, and the review is done with no influence from Loot Crate itself. If you’d like to support these reviews, the link above is a referral code, and signing up through it will help us at the very least pay for the monthly crates themselves. And hey, you get cool geek stuff every month!

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